Preparing for Life to Begin

The 40th is coming up. What does it mean? Well already it's a big letting go period. Not to say the the 30th wasn't either. (The 21st was more of a diving into adulthood, as it was perceived at the time). Now it's letting go, chilling out, recluse comes to mind, but I am not sure it's in a way that the popular definition describes.

I have celebrated every birthday since I was 18. It's the day I was born, the reason I am here so to speak. Without that day, I couldn't be me, and I couldn't have had the experiences, highs and lows I have had. So I celebrate it.
I celbrate everyone in my life at this moment in time and at my birthday I throw a bash to thank them all for making me who I am. But. I don't want to do it anymore.

So this year on my birthday Sep 21st when Ireland play France in the Rugby World Cup, I will be eating with a select few friends. Seated on the ground, a makeshift table for 15 people, cushions, cloth, candels, colliewarrior ;-) hihi. I just threw in that at the end 'cause of the letter C. I digress.
I am hoping to create a relaxed loving atmosphere, an open space where couples can be themseleves. I will serve 15 dishes( I don't know why 15, I am just following my intuition) there will be 15 bottles of wine or at least one wine for every dish. I hope to start early by French standards and finish late.
I have asked that people dress sensually elegant, or was it elegantly sensual? Bring their favourite music, they will be barefoot.(but I am hoping some of the ladies arrive in high heels...well it is my birthday).
Some things on the menu people won't eat, some people will eat everything. It's sort of theatrical dinning a la moi.

I have met some people in blog land that I don't think will be there, but if you read it and you know who you are, you will know you are welcome.

Not being a wealthy guy I have a big edge around wealth, when I think that the people coming for the most part earn twice what our couple earns and are well installed in life, I get a little intimidated. However, I try to keep my confidence from my theatre days, put on a show, be honest, do your best and people will love it. It's an edge.

I am trying a host of new recipies. Aqua and I are having a laugh trying them out at the moment. I am a little proud too so it's difficult for her. It's my night I am doing it, so people helping are a little perturbed I don't jump and shout for joy when they offer assistance. Let me explain, I may not be a genious but I am trying to create something. Can you imagine picasso accepting help to put the paint on the Canvass? Or Shakespear jumping for joy when you offer to write Act 3 of Lear? Well I am not to their standard but it applies. Let me create, let me give, let me show my love an appreciation for those around me my way, and then when it's finished I hope you will have enjoyed it :-) .

My honey has made amazing invitations for the meal. Then on the Saturday night there will be the tradtional and last piss up in Collie's house for his birthday. Besides, I am getting to old for that lark, and I am getting extremely fit, so that sort of night is becoming less and less attractive.

Raw Hide....NOT

Yesterday was Horse Riding in Le Boren. Drive 2 hours up into the foothills of the Alps and there you find a lake, full of wild trout. Peel slowly around the corner there are 15 to twenty horses, all with riders, all waiting for us... we are late. Very late and very stressed. I don't realise how stressed my love is till I see her face as she comes in to the pound 3 minutes behind me... I have already met the guide, whose name I never caught, and the owner Dennis, a US Twang in his voice, he looks like a miner from a Eastwood Western....
I am mounted before I know it... The beast is big but funnily there is no sensation of vertigo... I feel strangely comfortable in the saddle. I have never learned to ride, the last time I was on a horse, was a hunter stallion 15 years ago and I couldn't wait to get off. This time I felt at ease.....
Our Guide.....ha ha what a woman, apparently her father is Sicilian, she was about 25, wild eyed, blue, curly hair stuck to her head. No shower for 3 days..perhaps..or rained on that morning?
I am trying to find our Contact an English woman. I don't succeed, I am mortified we are so late, I apologise ineffectively, nobody really cares, I can't see my love. I don't think she wants to talk to me...I don't mind..I call out to her anyway..she hasn't prepared, isn't comfortable. She feels it deeper than I and shows it. I just talk to my horse, to anyone, who will listen..we are walking....its easy comfortable, good....we are trotting, not comfortable ....not easy, not good, stop woah slow down...my horse breaks into a gallop..Holy shit.. I am terrified..I have no idea what to do. There are some Comedians from the city, they know less than I but don't show it. The shout and roar a gee up the horses for all they are worth laughing their heads off..... Finally the horses walk again...whew....that wasn't nice...my love is not happy... I am regretting the feeling like I pushed her this morning.....I don't want her to give up or in, ever...she's done enough of that. Recently she has found new force, new voice. It is a thing of beauty but I am afraid of her slipping back....she doesn't look happy.... I can't see her now. We are in single file up a narrow almost invisible track through the trees. Our guide calls out 'A droite' the horses duly oblige...I have made an aquaintaince, she is 'horsey set' English, The horse's are climbing, we are swapping jokes back and forth, she is right behind me... we are coming out of the trees, I hear her calling hold on, hold now just hold on, I don't understand. The two horses in front of me bolt out of the tress, gone...shit I hold, I have the reigns in one hand and the mane...Oh shit...my horse DejaVu is up and out like a shot and off with a Gallop I turn I see Jupiter(my English friend) looking shocked her horse had bolted too. I know my love is next but I can't see her and I am afraid for her...I shout loudly to her to hold on, to be ready, breathe don't be afraid. I can't see her, I cant turn the the stupid beast around..and out of the trees she comes, fear on her face, her hat falls to the ground and is trodden her horse is flying...my horse doesn't let me see the rest. I get to turn around when all is calm...her horse has backed into saplings..I can see horses people, I know there is panic but I know little else(later I find out the horses were walking on a wasps nest, and our friend fell off trying to help my love, she hurt her arm but not badly)...and then there is calm...we are off again.. I know this is the last time will we be on horse back and I had such romantic notions of it...We are off... this is a gallop, I have picked up to stand up in the stirrups and I try shit it works..wow...I get it, I manage to make the horse go left and right as she runs wow this is cool ....a white horse flies past a crazed with joy face turns and those blue eyes pierce me..my horse decides to move up about 5 gears....OH good god in heaven and all that's holy I hope I have a change of underpants, I am going to need it if this keeps up...Our French sicilian guide laughs at me, she mocks me laughingly and all I can do is agree... There is no point in being macho and trying to hide what she saw on my face. It spelled shear terror..I can tell you exhiliration has taken on a new sense in my dictionary...
We rode for 3 hours.. the two comedians were eventually forced to walk back as our guide lost her mind with them for abusing the horses and moaning and complaining the whole route but mostly for whipping the animals..they refused to dismount. She was screaming they were refusing...I have a deep voice and bellowed..one dismounted straight away...2 minutes later she was at the other one, the same insane fury...I have felt it, been it harnessed it and learned from it and it was then she was ingraved in a part of me. I finally saw in someone else a fury born from passion that meets pig ignorant laziness. It's a sight to behold... I belowed again, easily, this time perhaps my look helped more than my voice. I took little notice I could now turn the horse where I wanted...... I could make him trot.. amazing. I passed up on the last Gallop afraid for my love so I stayed with her, and nervous for myself so it was easy, so do did our contact who I think is a wonderful woman, another horsey set..... Look at me, the Irish Rebel hanging out with the English horsey set and loving it..Thunder was rolling around the hills now, war like clouds swathed the mountains and the first Drizzle I have seen in France in 4 years fell. I was in Jeans and T Shirt and I was blessed lovingly by Mother Nature. But the striking thing at the end of the day, were the views, to be in a place no car could be, on horse back, hips swaying in time, back straight, and a small smile curling on the lip, all quiet...wow....That and that my love is determined to take riding lessons so we can go again...gidy up...away.
Surprisly my ass and balls are not in the slightest bit sore, I must have been doing something right... ;)

Living Powerfully

You know I was tagged to talk about I live powerfully. It was 2 weeks ago.
I am still stunned that anyone would think I do because I think I don't.
Everything I see described as powerful living I take for granted I guess.
For me it's more why not how I live powerfully but how others choose not to live powerfully...
I don't know what else to say.

Algerian Boogie

I know I have been amiss in keeping my blog. I have had a lot going on and a lot of it positive. I suppose I have been fermenting a bit..I have discovered some thing called Tantra, for real. Meaning I had read acres of stuff about it but never actually done it. More on that on a later post....but today I wanted to tell you about dancing....dancing is great to shift the gloom no matter what time of day or night you do it, if you are down, bang on some music and dance.
I used to hang with two Berbour Girls from Algeria and their music was all that and more. Incredible to watch them dance and do that crying thing with their tounge, at 2am in the morning. Damn it was pretty erotic to watch those hips go, those big sloe eyes, and the knowing smile, they knew they were having an affect and the loved the attention.... The music was almost like it was made to fuck to but they were good girls and I behaved myself as usual.. Can you imagine it, 6 people in kitchen come bedroom, one of them smoking pot, enough money for some rice and some fish and some fruit juice. On goes the music, one of the girls jumps up and we squeeze together to make room, imagine Shakira with less of and edge and more sensuality....The used to say they were terrible dancers but I can tell you it was difficult not to be hypnotised. It was one of my most difficult times I think looking back..and yet if I look back more clearly all I had was money worries. At that point in Time I had 3 or 4 people I could rely on to spend time with and make me feel better or in somecases miserable. There was the American guy the two girls and a Colombian.... The American left, the girls moved on in their lives and the Colombian lady is not good..but I had everything really in one sense without realising it. My french was crap but they helped. I had little food and they helped and I had little self respect, they helped. I just got all nostalgic listening to some similar music on a friends site...... ah those where the days when I had no ass in my pants and I couldn't speak french and cockroaches were my best guests.....thank something its over. ... but Damn I miss those summer nights and the Alergian boogey....