Slipped

I have been slipping up on the blog. The news about my body doesn't seem to be good. Firstly it's all in french so its not as apparent as it might be, or I understand completely correctly and I am fucked. I have a necrose at the top of each femur, I have a little nut or grain of calcium on the 11th and between the 4th 5th vertebrae, and the disc for 4 and 5 is fucked with 5 having a nice crack in it. Then there is subsequent damage around that area that is playing with siatica.........ouch.

Haven't got over the robbery yet, I am so bummed about the bike being stolen and the tent.

The appartement the one we are buying, needs re-wiring, we have been quoted 14,000, then 10, 000 and I know we can get it much cheaper, if we can find an electrician.

Problem here people fleece each other, there is no such thing as honest and honourable work.....God I am so innocent.

Boy has taken to contradicting and lying about everything which I find stressful.

Ex has fucked up the holidays again.......and I don't mean just once when I say again. She changes her mind daily.

Iron Man is on today in Nice, I haven't moved near it. I am sore, and a little scared. I guess if I was healthy I would have been down there, helping even, but I am not. I really don't know if my body is going to let me do what I want it to. I am reading Moncia's report, ( I just want the Tattoo ) it's inspiring but, I don't know how I am going to do it right now. Next goal this year was a Marathon, I had enrolled.....but I wont be running one this year I think. ......

My brother arrives tomorrow from the States, looking forward to seeing him and the family, even if the holiday plans have been screwed. ...
Oh Bugger.

Oh well at least the Euro 2008 football has been immensely entertaining, look at the Russians, who would have thought they would make the semis?

Life is looking for something.

Sometimes, I think life is a test. That there is a certain number of things or a certain awareness to achieve before I die. That is my raison d'etre. My reason for being is lately becomming a bit cloudy.
See I sometimes believe that the challenges that come my way, do so to enlighten me, make me wiser, teach me that important thing I am resisting. I have thought this for a long time. I remember in a previous spirtual existence, crying with exasperation, ( is that how you say it?), and saying 'fuck sake, whatever you are trying to tell me, just fucking tell me and stop being so fucking obtuse, opaque, secretive, and deceptive, just write it out in letters so I can I see it and I will do it.".... Of course life, the Universe, God or the gods, He or She or They or it or whatever, doesn't really do in your face. Sure a Volcano is pretty in your face all right but the great WHY?, can be a mystery that many generations go to their grave with it etched on their last breath.
Soooo I have some challenges lately. My body has decided to revolt, if any one comes to read here they will have seen that. The swimming and running and cycling stopped.
I was supposed to swim today but I was so hung over from the medication I couldn't get my ass in gear.
My lover is ill. She is bed ridden for the next 10 days. I had a shitty day at work. I am full of pain. I get home to find the cellar was broken into over the weekend and they stole my bike and tent.
One of my neigbours went to the Arab quarter to make a complaint in the police station there. I will go local tomorrow morning. I will meet a rude police officer who will have no patience with my stilting french. I will make an inadequate report. I will be late for work. My body will complain with the stress. My mind says, "Hey this IronMan idea, you are fucking mad, I am not letting you do it. If you don't listen to me telling you through your pain, then I am going to send out a thought wave when you are asleep and make someone steal your bike". I say fuck it. I am doing this Iron Man. If I catch the fucker who took my bike I will shove it up his or arse side ways.
Our Gardien is a cyclist. He went on holidays just before the break in. My neigbour had his bike stolen too. I think that is a wierd coincidence.

I don't ever see Arabs in this area, what would they be doing here in the morning so trying to break in? I just think Life is trying to tell me something right now and I wish it would right out for me so I could get it. I am not great at clue solving when I am tired.

Way To Much

Just way too much happening that will be a 'Way To Much' good in my life I hope. I am currently undergoing sessions of physiotherapy for the back, knees, legs, ankle etc;. I had to go back to the doctor because the pain killers were doing diddlysquat. It's getting better, I have 3 periods a day where I am basically off my face for about half an hour, so I guess these meds are a bit stronger.

The implants into my shoes are recifying the way I hold myself which is putting a strain back on the body. Righting the comfortable position into a correct position. It brings it's own set of aches.

Moaning a lot aren't I ?

Celebrating the news that very quickly happened in our lives. We had done a lot of talking about buy a place to live. Tired of pouring money into some else's account and nervous of my age and a bank loan, we finally started visiting last week. Wednesday. Saturday Morning we saw two places. The first was awful.
The criteria are basic, 2 bedrooms minimum, place to park the car, garden or big terrace. I prefer a house out of the city, she prefers an appartement in the city. She wins. We found a 7th floor place 71 meters square, if you are reading in feet and inches mulitiply by 3 and add a bit. The block has a dead end on one side so it's quiet. It's within walking distance to town for those who like to walk. It's near a stadium with a track where I can run. Boy loved the place, lover loved the place I thought it was fine. Electrical work needs to be done but other than that it's the usual make over job you would expect for an appartement that is 30 years old.
So we made an offer.
Got a phone call this morning that one half of the brother sister couple selling the appartement agreed to the offer.
Looks like we could be on our way.

Weather is terrible, warm and wet.

OOOH and our New Nikon D80 is on the way. Now I can take real photos again :-)

Nothing wrong my foot!

So one of my hips is higher the other, or one of my legs is shorter than other. I had an accident when I sixteen. It wasn't looked after. When I got to France 5 years ago, I met a doctor who told me after a lot of examination that the intense pain in my knees was in my head. I felt really bad. Everyone here believed him. I was still getting white light flashes of pain occasionally months afterward but had to bite my lip when it happened. It's probably part of the reason my ex in laws think I am a dickhead, but hey that's an aside.

When I started to run and swim 2 years ago, and had given up smoking, a lot of the pain, not all, but a lot of it went away. Last year I was taken to hospital just as the Gypsy Kings came out on Stage. My back had completely locked. I was a week off work and doped up to my eye balls in muscle relaxation pills and pain killers.
After my semi marathon this year. I pulled a muscle in my back. It wouldn't go away. My back started to cramp up a lot as I was compensating all the time.
Finally my running pal to me to go visit her at work. They X Rayed me but didn't see too much. I went to see yet another doc. Probably the 5th different one at this stage.
He took about 2 seconds or less to look at the X Ray. He was Ohh la la ing before he even turned on the light to look at it.
When I sixteen I ripped all the tendons in my foot. I had seen a ball coming towards on the ground and while running full speed I turned to kick it away. I ended up on my back. I looked down at my foot and there was a metal shot put between my feet. Not something you kick away easily.
I continued to play football, with a lot of difficulty. Went to the doctor the next day who told me to put a strapping on it and that was that.
I have been compensating since then. My left foot is slightly atrophied, if that is the right word. I can't bend it as much as the other one. Each time I run I have to make it 'crack' before I know I can run without it cramping up.
All the swimming I had been doing until the end of Febuary has helped keep the problem at bay. Now I need to get a orthapaedic sole into my shoe. I need phyisotherapy and I am taking 9 things morning and evening to let it all relax. I start the physio next week.
No running this week. I swam 500m yesterday and I was completely knackered. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly I loose my ability when I stop. Now I am anxious about the running too. I am doing a Marathon in Novemember and hopefully and Iron Man in 2010. Just one time.
My sleep is still disturbed by thoughts of my first lawyer here, who really screwed things up. I am anxious about my son and not being there enough for him. I hope to God it turns out okay for him.

In the meantime I was on the bike recently when we had a lovely morning. these photos are were I ride. It takes me one and half hours to get there and 20 mins to get back. OOOOh and Monica my future coach did her Iron man in 13 hours and a bit. I am very thrilled for her.

Just things

We spent the weekend hanging out. Cooking Goat slowly in the oven. Going to St Paul de Vence looking at the expensive boutiques. The weather is terrible. It's the last titanic struggle before summer sets in next month. The Cannes Film Festival and the Monaco Grand Prix have come and gone.

Now the Cote D'Azur will be full of pleasure seekers, rich bastards, drunken wallys, sunseekers, tourists, friends, visitors, morons, and some people shouting english really slowly and really loudly to perfectly tri-lingual French waiters who are proud of their linguistic ability and scorn those who can't put two words together in foreign glot.

Boy was emotional and tired this weekend. My brother split from his wife and his teenage kids have been doing the teenage thing. My Neice shaved her head. I told him maybe she was happy about it, maybe she was upset that her mam and dad are not together any more. He asked me about his mother and I. I told him we had different ideas on how we should be together. His mother didn't want to help or support me and I wasn't able to be what she wanted. So it didn't work out and she asked me to go. He thought about that. As I reflect now, maybe it was more than a little undiplomatic but I am done protecting someone who doesn't give a shit about me. I know I should protect my boy, but then telling him truth is someway of protecting him.

People to me are strange about relationships. Lovers friend is here and is so clearly hurt it's painful to watch. She has been so let down. Why do we seek perfection in others when we know damn well it doesn't exist in ourselves? What is that fairy tale crap we believe? Instead of pointing the finger of blame at him all the time, do you for a moment realise how hurtful, or how unsupporting your are? Why is it always the bloke who has fucked up?

I am having a difficult time with my back, still haven't managed a visit with a doctor yet, I am hoping on Wednesday.

So boy was tired at the table. There was something wrong. He was a little sad after talking to his cousin on MSN. He started to get upset, not able to communicate what was wrong and saying 'nothing' and getting more and more frustrated the more insistent I got. I don't let him sulk ever. I insist now more than ever on communication that is clear and coherent. I know I know. He is only 8. Well it's the perfect time to learn to identify stuff and put words on it.
I offered a sit in my lap and a hug. He came and climbed aboard. Father and son gave each other a full body Hug and damn the trapped nerve. Our visitor got upset and started to cry. It'a a long time since her father hugged her. I felt like asking when was the last time she gave him one.

I have to write important letters and I am not doing it. I have enrolled for the marathon in November but I am in a lot of pain and chewing pills. I normally take nothing ever.
My friend Monika was running the Iron Man Brasil on Sunday. I hope she was okay. I hope she finished and has achieved her goal and now she can get the tattoo. Me Next!

United win the Champions league.

I have grown up with stories of the the MUNICH air disaster. I heard how Bobby Charlton walked away without a scratch. How Whealan an Irish player was killed. There has through my life time been a Irish thread at Man Utd. Stapleton, Moran, Irwin, Keane, O Shea, among others. It was lovely to see an Old Bobby Charlton walk up the steps tonight. Leading his team 50 years on from the disaster. It's nice to be a fan most times, but especially when your team win. Even if the Irish guy didn't get a game and the ghosts of the past were standing beside the goal keeper. They won on Penalties, but it was a fun match.

Lucky? See it From the Other Side!

Is it our greatest self deception to believe others are more lucky?. 'The grass is always greener on the other side'. How much do you know really of the lives of those whom you perceive luckier than you? For my part there are those who look at me with envy, I have a child, I live on the Cote D'Azur, I work in Monaco, I am not far from the Cannes film festival. Wow people think. How lucky can you get?
They don't take into account, the shitty divorce, the loss of direction in my life, the loss of my circle of comfort and culture. The struggles I had in trying to settle in. The fear and rage and hurt and pain have only recently abated. They know nothing of this.

However what is most important is what side of that complete story I decide to focus on. I am lucky, I am alive. I have good things I have bad things. I am lucky because I choose to be and instead of scraping the shit of my shoe I decide to use it on the roses to help them grow. I often seem to find people whose wounds I can sense. I am drawn to look after them, to mother them. Often they take what they can and walk away. I can be hurt by this as I try to invest not just for their good, but for my security too. I like to have friends and the best way to have friends is to be one.

I would like to live in a 'perfect' world so I reach out and try and be with others the sort of benefactor I would like them to be with me. Many don't understand but I still feel lucky. Because in all of it I have a handful of people around the world I really appreciate. They teach me a lot about myself.

I could decide that the 40 people who were in my house last St Patricks day, who ate my food and partook of my hospitality and then practically disappeared from my life, are friends. I could decide they are all bastards as they came and went and that was the last I heard of them. I could decide that is just the way it is here. I can't justify saying I am unlucky. I make my own luck by the effort I put in. Yes some of us have some more advantages than others. Some of us are better looking, a concept formed by the mass Hysteria of being the same and different and conformism. Some of us have more money than others, a combination of hard work for some, thievery for others, circumstances, but are they more lucky than I?

Was Elvis Lucky? World famous star, dies on his toilet overweight? Britney? Marilyn Monroe? Micheal Hutchinson? Was Florence Griffith Joiner lucky? What is it we deem as lucky?

A friend is running the Iron man in Brazil soon. Lucky woman! Nope, not lucky. She has worked her ass of for the right, the priveledge, the honour, and by calling her lucky I demean her effort. On the other hand I can say she is lucky because she has the drive to do this thing, to stick at it, to persevere. It doesn't sound like luck that.

I guess we are all lucky and we are all unlucky.Today if you don't feel lucky. Look at what you have going for you. Tell me how unlucky you are. Maybe you are not trapped under a fallen building in China, maybe you are not at the brunt of a rocket attack or air strike in Israel or Gaza, maybe you are not watching a military convoy make their way through your town, maybe you are not a hostage, maybe you are not crippled or blind. Maybe you are more lucky than you think. Leave me a comment and tell me one thing you think is lucky in your life, and for the balance, tell me one way you think or feel you are not unlucky. I guess I will be lucky to get a response. (smiling)

Holidays Over

I am shattered. I have just spent a great week with really good friends. Eating and drinking to beat the band.
We went to the market in Vengtimiliga in Italy.




We went to the Historic Grand Prix in Monaco which was the culmnination of a dream for my buddy who was celebrating his 60 birthday.





I haven't been blogging. I have a trapped nerve in my lower back which means I am not running swimming or cycling and it means I am starting to put on weight.

My nurse comes tonight for my alergy shot so, hopefully she has a good referal for me to see someone.


In the mean time enjoy the picture essay :-) We strolled the pits afterwards and my 8 year old boy had the priveledge of sitting into a formula 1 Ferrari and playing with the Steering Wheel. Not many people have that priveledge in life. He woke up the next day telling us he had dreams of being a driver :-).

But I am not biased. There are other things in the world more important than a ferrari




Like a Bugatti?





Never a Dull Moment!

All the Fun of the Fair.

May 1st is a holiday here. No one works except the people at the wine fair. Don't start cracking jokes about the French please, I have to live here. They work very hard.



You see there is a lot to do at this time of year on the Cote D'azur. The film festival will be starting soon. There is a Grand Prix comming up.
You can out to a nice restaurant in Monaco and eat Duck



You can go to the wine expo thing,where people go crazy. You get a glass and basically walk around all the producers in France finding out what you want and what you dont want. There are also people who make

Salt



Spices


Cheese



Charcuterie


oh and for the ladies...........chocolate



and tea.


and other goodies..




The reason some of the photos are a little blurry is I am still getting used to the phone, but also because I tasted a good part of the following...





Yes it does look this blurred in real life, there was no way I could focus better than that. We had already tasted 21 wines and I don't spit.


Oh well the cellar is now stocked for the visitors who may make their way over this summer :-)

Still not training, hoping to go bike and run this weekend.

Only Because I Have To

Yep I am updating today simply because I haven't updated and I should. Currently my lower back is blocked. This usually happens when I am tired and stressed out around my son, his mother, my lover etc;. Today everyone met. I was informed I had to bring him to the artisana show to help his grandmother. I had other plans, finally we got there an hour later than organised but it was cool. My lover met my ex, and my ex mother in law. Friends later went to find Boy wonder and met them too and chatted. It was all very civil. My lower back was twitching, I try to be civil not to bitch, I don't always succeed, but I don't see the point in stooping to the other sides behaviour.
So it was okay in the end, but it cuts, when they assume they can just cut into our precious time together like that.

So what was the other plan. Top Marques.. have a look at these.........




I am not really a materialist but it was fun for a half an hour.





And the coolest......................




This is the luxury car show in Monaco. We had free passes. We went. I insisted on it. I wouldn't pay in 39 euro just to be treated like a piece of dirt. They guys selling the cars walked around wiping our finger prints off, in case the person behind us was a multi millionare interested in buying the car that was bullet proof, bomb proof, assasin proof, but obviously not stupid person proof.

We didn't pay into the workshop in the Ballet either. Last night was my 8 year olds' first exposure to ballet. 5 young coreographers with 5 young scenarists, put together a 2 hour long show of 5 different pieces.......The most impressive for me being a story of rain falling on the earth. It opened with 6 dancers standing around a figure on the ground. Standing on the figure with her foot on the head and the other on the stomach, was a woman in white. She looked like she was about to devour her victim on the ground. The story unfolded, violently, impressively, beautifully, but somehow very darkly, with the use of video and some incredible ballet and shape shifting, our 7 female dancers, 6 in white, one in brown portrayed something about rain falling on the earth, and the suffering the earth endures during this torrent. Boy wonder was scared at this particular one but loved all 5 stories and I was pretty damn pleased.

The weekend is over, finishing up with friends and a dinner. Life is stressful, but good. I can't write about the lawyers till I receive certain pieces of paper. I ran today for the first time, didn't help my back, didn't run far.

It Hurts

Nope I am neither Joe Calzage nor Bernard Hopkins and yet I felt like I was in the ring with both of them at the weekend.
Yesterday morning at 8am I looked like this, ready for my race.



Yes the white light behind me is from the angels smiling down on me.
Let me tell you it was a good race. I hadn't been training enough recently. I joined the ladies, we parked in Cristines lab which left us a 3 km walk to the start. I wasn't impressed. I wasn't ready. I knew it was to thunder and lightning. I brought a complete change of clothes. No sun glasses of course as I had left them in work on Friday, no Suncream, who needs that in a storm and not enough jel packs because simply I forgot. So the light behind is not lightning. It's clear blue sky and bright sun shine.
Yeah Warrior pack the suncream bring a hat.........sure.......I left them on the table.
There was 8000 people milling around the start. There was a 3km fun run for breast cancer, a 10k run, and that semi marathon that I was doing. Thats a smidgin over 21km. The most I had run up to this point in preparation was about 14.5km and even that is not exact.

We took off at 9:30 I had a gel pack I was keeping for after the 10 k mark. I had a half a litre of water, about a pint to sip in between refueling stations that were at every 5k. The sun was beaming down, the crowd was slow to move off. Finally I got over the other side of the Promenade des Anglais were there was more space and settled into my rythm. Why is it the promenade is always English, the Quay is always American and the bar is always Irish?

We turn into Gambetta somewhere before the Negresco and started a long slow 2km climb. It was impressive to see the thousands of people in front of me. I heard some Irish voices. I turned 'Are you girls Irish? ' They were and I felt not so alone and it was good.
The kilometers ticked by. Some guy tapped me on the shoulder and started asking about the emblem on my t shirt. It said 'Marathon Des Sables' No I said that is just a silly thing, a style of shirt, Non, pas de tout, moi je le fais l'anneé dernier...bon ok merci, bon course. Ooops.

Not many crowds and those that were not clapping too much. I was trying not to get discouraged, I knew the girls were already way in front. The race turned a big loop, passed under a tunnel and came back down by the Palais de Medditterain, back onto the prom and back from where we came. Now we are running toward the Port.

At 6 km I was thinking to myself I felt really really good, I wondered where my running buddies were, I fancied that given they were much faster, ran 3 times a week and have been running longer that they would already be around the 8km mark. That was until I heard a voice behind me.....'Target acquired, missles locked, ready to fire' It was Christine, I was perturbed. How the hell could they behind me at 6km?
Both of them were there, then I saw there two friends as well, then I saw the Irish girls still there..... it seems I took off way too fast. I hadn't thought so, and still don't really think so.... I matched the girls for a few KM the banter was fun, I was starting to get hot, when water was available I took two cups one for the head one for the mouth.... We passed by the lab where we had parked that morning, down into the port and back along the Quay des Etais Unis where we had been already not so long ago. I could feel the 10 km mark coming up I watch as the girls started to put distance between them and I , I grabbed at oranges in a box, I had two, I gave one to the person beside me who hadn't seen the opportunity. The Irish women peeled off for the 10k finish I thought about stopping too, we crossed the starting line for the 3rd time once again going along the orginal route..but now toward the airport. I had run this before, I knew I could do it, I continued. Some old guy of about 70 finished his talk with a 10k runner who peeled off and settled in for the duration. Some other old guy spectating, called out the name on his shirt, encouraging him on. The two old guys waved at each other...and Mister 70 went on his way.

There is a watering station I momentarily passed the girls who had stopped, I took water on the run, one and half cups in the gob, half a cup over the head, ......we saluted each other. The passed me with ease soon after, at 13km on a completely straight stretch I had totally lost sight of them. The field had thinned out dramatically, now where as before there was a lot of varying body shapes and sizes, the field was thinner, more uniform, fitter, faster, in better shape. My head was okay but my calves which had been a little tight since the start were starting to ache. Shit I have to get to 15k, if I get to 15k I can finish this bastard.

I was surprised, I started to well up without knowing why. I calmed down keep my rhytmn breath, drink some water, shit Gel pack whayhey around 11km I think.. ....it was like a magic wand, I sucked half it down and it felt like my speed and my ease of running increased, I put it back... I tried it again on 13...the effect was the same I kept the last bit but by 14k I had suck the last smidgin out of it and thrown it away, fuck the environment 'they' will clean up later. This from the guy who carred a small ring of plastic 3 km that morning to find a bin.

I saw the mayor, I saw people I recognised from Monaco. I didn't see any angels. I was sore very very sore. my legs were sore, my heart was sore. I was not stopping. I watched the flags go by in the other direction, 1 hr 30, then 1 hr 45, then 2 hours. I noted this one was the only one of the 3 carried by a woman, each of them had a group around them. The group ran like Chinese security gaurds around the olympic flame, protecting their pace setter as if their lives depended on it. They probably did.

I was aching again, god what will happen if people notice, my eyes welled up, are the red cross going to stop me because I am hurting so bad?
I turned on 15k, There is a God, they had the equivalent of gatorade, bannanas water sugar lumps I took them all I drank down about 2/3s of liter in seconds, wolfed banana and ran back, yes ran back for sugar, I wasn't stopping I was running this bastard to the end....but I was now in unknown territory. I had never run this far before. If I could get to 16k I could finish. I popped raw sugar in my mouth and drank water, I can do this just let me get to 16km. The sugar is gone, it's roasting hot. I am soaking with water and sweat. Now I let a real sob out of myself. I was still passing people up to this point, but now from 16k onwards I felt like I was going backwards. I could see Mister 70 just a 100 meters in front.

I keep telling myself don't race. Don't race. You are only in competition with yourself. I am going to finish this, don't race... I am talking out loud now, I am shouting at myself. 'Com'on Collie you bastard, you are going to finish this fucker. I think of the tri girls blog I read, who called her bike 'The fucker' she will be laughing at me. I think of Gillette, yeah I know, weird, hanging around the end line hugging me when I get there. I think of Lover, who got out of bed and took my photo and went back to bed. I resent it for a moment but I know that deep down when I cross that line I need to be alone for a moment and besides she will be there when I get home with that great smile.

Fuck my legs hurt, I can't do this...it is really fucking sore, God I forgot I have water, I drink what is left. There is 16k written on the road in front of me, this is further than I have ever run. I start looking down the coast from where I have come, I try to see that finishing point that I have passed 3 times on the race already, I try picking out hotels. Mister 70 is about 200 meters in front, some people pass me, then he is 250 meters in front. There is another guy Walking, a big well developed type. Some running club on his shirt. Why is he is walking? Mister 70 passes him. I am breathing, I am cramping, I try stretching my stride.... the guy is walking but I am not any closer. 17k , that's further than I have ever run. Jesus just over 3 to go, thats just one back and forward of the canal stretch where I run, I can do that can't I? Hell I hope so. 18K that is further than I have ever been, but I have lost my way, I have no water left there is a team at the side of the road they have bins of water but nothing to drink with, not stopping I am running this all the way, I dive my hands in and drink while running. I can't get bearings at all. I have no idea what part of the promenade I am in and I am in agony.

Some rock and roll guitarist is playing a slow riff, I want him to rip up the joint but he has been there all morning, now watching the stragglers I am sure it's time for the closing set and he is winding down. It doesn't help. ...

18.5 I am in pain, I don't want to stop, 18.6 I am limping, 18.7 I am swearing at myself 18.8 I am pushing pushing, mister 70 is dissappearing up the street, 18.9 I am crying, Fuck it come on I shout out loud, I don't give a fuck who can hear me and they won't understand anyway, God yes 19km I have run further than I ever thought I could yes only 2 to go, the pain, the cramps Aaaaaaah fuck it, I can't, It is too fucking much I can't.

I stop running, at least I try, my legs don't obey they keep moving as if runing but I am walking, 50 meters, 100 meters 150 meters, how the hell am I going to finish. My legs are like jelly, I am sobbing. My time for 2:15 was optimistic but now I have hit 2:18 and 2k to run and I can barely walk my calves are like cannon balls hanging off my legs.......There is a small man dressed like a Old movie gangster standing at the traffic lights, I am crying, tears streaming down my face, snot cascading down my nose, and I am ashamed. I don't know why, it's just spilling out of me. There is a bunch of teenage girls walking down the promenade, about 20 feet away from this Italian. How do I know he is Italian? Well he lets me know. He lets me have it full blast. I have no idea what it said but it sounded like stop fucking crying you blithering idiot get your finger out of your ass and run to the finish you fuck head. The girls run to him whoooping and cheering me out, I laugh and cry at the same time and I am moving again. I am running again damn it I am going to do it I am going to finish and I am going to finish running. Thanks to him being there and saying whatever he said. I can see the big runner in front of me he is running walking, running walking, Jesus I am at 20k further than I have ever run and I am going to make it, I can see the finish line, now people are cheering me, every time there is a nice word I sob, it's as if they know I need them to say it. Good christ on Calvary this is crucifying me... I am not stopping now, he is just in front of me maybe 100 meters, he is running again, fuck this I have enough of this shit, I am not finishing like this...

I don't know what happened, but I started to stretch out, to sprint, I was getting faster and my strides longer, I was sprinting the last 500 meters at full stretch, maybe it was on 15 meters maybe it was the last kilometer, I don't know but I know I felt like I running hard and fast and It was easy, I flew over 21k, I didn't think about how far I had come, I was getting to that line. I burned him..........I ran past him fast and left him for dead, There is the red carpet there is the finish line there is my foot on it and fuck me I did it. I did it, I did it, I sobbed, I sobbed hard.... I couldn't walk, I was doubled over. I tried walking, my legs wouldn't obey.
I couldn't find my friends, I hobbled over to drink. I could see people getting massaged, I don't know how, I want that, Someone come and see that I am not okay, that I am really hurting...more drink, some asshole pushes me out of the way to get some sustenance I look at him, realising quickly I have finshed before him and in a better mental state..imagine.....
they guy who snips off my running chip looks blankly at me, I want him to hug me and say well done.

I see people with medals, I am hobbling like an old man. I see the guys with boxes stacked in front of them, one of them has a medal in his hand. I ask him is there medals, he says well yes I have one. Thanks I say. I want it. He gives it to me in my hand. Fuck it I want him to put it around my neck and for the band to strike up. I hobble really hobble out. I am not doing that again.
I see the girls.... there are no hugs, a slap on the back from one of them. How fucked up are these people. Nat looks away when I say yes I finished and I cried like a baby. It doesn't fit with her virile image of me I guess. I will always have that soft side and never really be ashamed of it. It's who I am. I don't know what I was crying about, I don't know why I was ashamed out on the course.
This is what I looked like afterwards..........when I had my bath.....and we talked about it, and lover saw it was something special and I still had the head spinning not understanding what I had done nor what I had left on the road behind me...



I finished a half marathon in 2 hours 28 mins and I have a fucking medal. I told my son and he is really really proud. I lost 2kg which is about 4 pounds in weight. If you need to loose weight I don't recommend you try this. My brother called and people seemed to come out of the wood work. The angels had been there all along, they were just letting me do it by myself. But God it hurt.

Will up date you on the ex lawyer moron as well next post.

The Human Race

Well am I ready?
My 21km race starts on Sunday morning. I don't feel too ready for it, the most I have run is about 14km I have manaqed to run 3 times a week. I took advice and didn't run at all this week. The weather is the worst I have seen here. Just like home. Torrential rain. The forcast for Sunday is torrential rain with storms. So I am acutally confident that I can finish it if it's raining.
If it is sunny it might be a few kilometers too far. But hey, I said at the start of the year I was going to do this. So here goes.

Boy, what a birthday!

Can you imagine the joy of having your best friend, your brother, your favourite sister in law, your lover, and your child with you around the table. Throw in a couple of more friends,


some fireworks,


a cake



and some presents



and of course a good dose of magic



and you get what my boy told me was the best birthday ever. When I questioned him on it, in his usual truthful way, he said, 'Well, with you!' I am still smiling but it did scratch a little.

This time he has been spoiled rotten. Presents arrived from far a wide and we had already spent a fair whack on the bike. Now he can come cycling with me when I go running. It gives him more time with me and I get to run and not feel guilty. He loved it. He loved the visitors, the party, the cake the attention, the games, the walks, the shopping, the meals and generally just hanging out with each other. He loved the time we spent because it was real.
He still looked up often in a room full of people to see if I was there and when I wasn't he would come looking for me. He is great. So it's a happy birthday to him and may we spend so many more together.

My new lawyer seems to be the business, the bank approved my loan to pay her. The Sun is shining and for today all is good in the Kingdom where only happiness is King.
Thats it. Only happiness.

The weekend was a blast.

Happy birthday to both my Mam and Dad who have turned 80 years old. They are doing okay.

Okay Sooooooooooooooo hum. Well this is going to be a megre attempt at some photojournalism for what of a better word. Let me fill you in. I saw who I had to see. That was the best part. I ate great food, that was the second part. I didn't run.

I had planned to go running for 2 hours on Saturday but the plane was late, I arrived late, I needed a haircut for the party, I had to see my best friend. Actually I have 2 best friends that don't live with me. Anyways.........
I got the haircut but didn't get to run. Here's me with the haircut. I know it's pretty vain, but I change my appearance so much, and I saw the mirror and I thought, why the heck not. A lot of Irish guys passed me on the way and thought I was completely nuts....

So the party was great, 3 of my brothers and my Sister were there. My sisters in law, nephews, neices, cousins, aunts, friends of the family. It was in an old Grand hotel in Dublin called Wynns. I know I ate steak, and steamed vegetables, I asked for it very very very rare and got it just rare ( which was as I wanted). The Polish lady serving the Chilean Wine looked after me all night and by god the wine was gorgeous. My bro had paid a fair whack for the cake which had written on it..

Around the World in 80 years, Happy Birthday Mam

So I am bugging myself now trying to get this to look right and you guys are getting an update of me trying to remember my html, work with a French Photoshop on an Italian computer......ahem...I am inserting photos with blogger but hand coding to get it better than it's giving me....ahem as I said....
So here is a pic of my super cool nephew, this guy has got it going on, and we decided to leave the red eye because it makes him look super super cool



Anyway the plan for the Sunday run was out the window at 730am when I woke up freezing and nursing a hang over. So I looked out the window, saw the SNOW, yes SNOW and I took a photo turned on the heating and went back to bed. I will only post it if no one believes me.
So I didn't get the run in, but I saw my brother on TV. My bro and his wife ran the 10k in the Phonex Park. I was laughing my head off. It was hail stoning and the guy who won the race was from Ethiopia I think. He had never run in weather in like it. The reason I was laughing was because I was warm in bed and the interviewer was giving out about the pain of the hailstones. I thought of sunny warm Nice in the South of France where I live, and of course my honey who is there. So life is not so bad only I am back and there is no sun. Bummmmmmmer
I had dinner with My Best Female Friend and no none of you stand a chance with her, and she is a friend and I am committed. ( I should be committed, to a home) Right? Good, Next!

So good food, good beer and good chat with my best buddy Tom and Ann they are in side bar about the Connolly film.

Then I got confused. Really confused. I saw this

I wondered what happens if you are slightly drunk and you get the chewing gum and the condoms mixed up? You end up chewing for hours for sure, but.....ah heck doesn't bare thinking about, but I am sure it's painful.

I don't really have a thought for day except this perhaps. Kylie Minogue was interviewed by Ellen Degeneres recently and said her doc had told her originally she didn't have cancer. Apparently her having cancer in her breast has contributed to the amount of women getting breast scans or checking themselves out and doing something about it. It's at a time like this I think that men and women must be different if only by virtue of things our bodies bring us. I know guys can have breast cancer but it's much rarer. I don't think girls get testicular anything unless they are playing with the boyfriend. Anyway whoever you are, where ever you are, I hope you enjoyed a look into my very personal life. I hope you keep yourself well. I hope you find the strength to keep going. Bless you all, and cheers. I had a real blast this weekend.