Thursday, July 28, 2005

wow war is over

It's just a note to say that the statement today by the IRA is acknowledged by people all over the world. Some sceptical, some disbeliving, others relieved, others perhaps happy even. Personally I am struck by the importance of the end of something I have grown up with, witnessed, (but not lived through) and been greatly troubled by all my life. Who doesn't want to have their own country independant? Who doesn't want a united nation? Who really understood outside of the island of Ireland what it was all about? Perhaps now the way is clear for the dream of James Connolly and many others to finally come true. Nearly a hundred years later, Irish Men and Irish Women, Catholic Protestant and dissenter, may finally work together to bring about a successful, dynamic and unified nation of Irish people. I hope so. Today I am moved and my eyes filled for a little, I don't know yet why. Maybe now we can stop all the hate. I hope so. I really really hope so. Now Governments, it is up to you.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

fed up with not understanding

This is probably not the place to post this. But post it I will. Having been convinced to leave Ireland just over two years ago, promises of a better life, jobs, contacts etc; one year ago my ex decided she wanted a divorce. Life between then and now has been hard. I was practically thrown out of the house in a foreign country, no where near fluent in the language, and ignorant of the social set up I struggled. I did my best to be near my son and take him when I could. I had work most days often just an hour and a half in Monaco. I earned less than a thousand euro for 3 months of Jan Feb March. This week has been good for me. I have a new girlfriend who is very good, wise and understanding, I have finally the new job that will change my life. I had my boy for four nights last week and this week was asked to take him again as he was going to Corsica on Monday. I didn't say yes or no, (perhaps my fault) but was surprised when I sent a text today and got no answer. Sent another this evening and got a bigger surprise when I learned he wasn't at home but up country with his grandparents. I sent my ex a message telling her that it was mean of her to do that. She sent me one telling me she didn't have time to explain to twisted people how decent people act. I am so pissed off with this imature, mean lying woman, I am actually afraid for my son. So now what do I do? I won't now see him for a month. Once I am settled in a job it will be an expensive lawyer and we will see if I can get a routine established. It's hard to break up with an unreasonable person and even harder to live your life after wards when your child is involved. Pity, otherwise life would be perfect instead it has a huge black blot on it. Oh well. Hope anyone else out there going through similiar doesn't ever have to put up with the crap and uncertainty my ex has blighted my life with.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

One law for you one for me

Funny how often when some one points the finger there are three fingers pointing back. Let me explain. My ex often looses the head when she wants to do something and I can't look after our son. So after copious messages and phone calls trying to sort out a date for her holidays, her second of the summer(even though she doesn't work), and after much abuse about my being selfish, (no holiday last year, I was asked for a divorce and then expected to mind the animals and house while she disappeared with my son for a month), I finally organised a free week. However I am supposed to reply urgently to my new place of employment that I can start on a proposed date. So I inform by text the dates free and does she get in touch? Nope. Does she say thanks? Nope, does she even care that I am under pressure to respond to a new employer? Probably not. You see the problem here, as some one once said is a failure to communicate. Too often people get lost in what they want to do, and loose sight of what should, or could, or is possible to do.
I will continue to do my best for my boy as I am sure she will. It's a pity we seem to piss each other off, in what is otherwise a damn good life when all is going well. So my future is about to change. No more cheese and pasta for days on end. No more calling around to friends and not telling them how little I have but timing my arrival for dinner. No more my son asking can we have that, or can we go there, and me saying no we haven't any money. Oh well if ever blue sky has a grey cloud I guess like many people, my ex is mine, and I am probably hers. The odd thing is I am sure neither of us really mean to be.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Not so much the numbers as 1st thought

Ok that last post about numbers is all trash,the company got in touch and I have to do another interview this time in English. Apparently I have nothing to worry about but I will know tomorrow either way. Funny how life here seems to drag things out, nothing is easy.
So with that in mind, I explain my current position for those who care. I stayed in France last year to be close to my son, for both my son and I. My hours of working, lack of transport, the reluctance of his ma to let him go on my scooter, made seeing him difficult, and I was relegated to one weekend in every two. At every beck of call of hers I made time when I could to see him but only when she had some thing organised. I became my own son's glorified baby sitter.

Every year for as long as I have known them, her family has gone off to Corsica, she has always been there for the month of August. So this year, after my holidays got screwed last year, and now that I have someone nice in my life, I decided to accept an invitation to Tuscany. My friend sorted out her dates with the company and we choose the 6th to 15th August. No problem. Yesterday the 17th July, I get a phone call from my ex, telling me they have booked for my son and they to go to Corsica on the 25th July(my time for having him) and to come back the 5th August and that I must take him. I didn't refuse, I told her I was going away. I got a stream of abuse down the phone and then she hung up. Today she rang back trying to get me to look after him on the week of the 16th. Again I didn't refuse but if I get this new job it starts on the 16th in Monaco. How do I look after my son and take a job that will enable me to pay for him to have decent clothes, spend a good time with me, and get a good education? Well the problem is nothing, I mean nothing is legal between us. So down to the cop station to make an offical document and have something in writing asap. Then try to find a lawyer and get this damn thing sorted out. Ladies for any of you who are treating the fathers of your children badly because you are angry, Please don't. It isn't good for anyone. Men, for any of you not taking the responsiblity of being a father, get up off your asses and be there for your boy, or your girl. The rewards are amazing when both parents can do it right. When one or none can then the rewards are minimal, the stress is huge and the fall out is just not worth it. So if anyone reading is an expert on french separation law, do me a favour and fill me in on what I need to do.
And a last note, I managed to have my boy for nearly a whole week and we did nothing but celebrate life to the full. Best of summers to you all.

The 14th the 13th and all those numbers.

It is odd how a number can pop up time and time again in one's life. Let me give you an example.
My parents were married on the 13th April, and seventy odd years later my son was born on the same day. My wife asked me for a divorce on the 13th July and exactly one year to day, I have been offered a job that is going to change my life. Perhaps that I was born in 67, er 6+7 = 13, has something to do with, but maybe not. There are many other instances of this number in my life but these are the main ones. So any budding numerologist out there want to tell me what it all means?

However yesterday was the 14th,(the day after??). Bastille day in France is a day of celebration, but not in monaco. They had their prince crowned on the 12th, I had my 13th, and then France celebrated yesterday. It was the day to go to the beach, sit on the pebbles and wait till 10pm. A large boat steamed into the bay and positioned itself. Small fireworks were been let off intermittently on the beach. The streets lights were extinguished and the tension mounted. Little boys asked their fathers, "When is it coming?" Suddenly, not just in Nice, but in every town along the coast, the fireworks commenced. A huge display of Light, smoke and noise was watched by thousands who sat quietly, ooohing and ahhing the more spectacular explosions. I was gripped by how the noise travelled across the water and reverberated off the cliffs behind us.
Intrigued when I realised I could see other displays in the distance, in Antibes and Cannes. Life is good in Summer. There are plenty of reasons to celebrate. The french are perhaps more reserved and muted than the Irish, but we certainly wouldn't dream of sitting on the beach at 10pm watching a pyrotechnical display such as we did yesterday.
Where ever you are, there is always something to celebrate, sometimes you might have to look hard, and sometimes you might have to do it on your own, but do it. Celebrate.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Summer and sea change

Well summer is in full swing. The temperature is in the 30's centigrade and people are getting browner and wearing less. That is always a good thing in my opinion, being very appreciative of the human form, and in particular the female form, it brightens up my days. The English teaching has been okay for the month of June and the first week of July but there is little on the horizon. This last year has been strange. I haven't written for a while. Perhaps I have been navel gazing too much. It's the anniversary of my leaving Ireland and coming to France, now two years ago. While I set off with so much hope for a new future at the time I never imagined it would have passed as it has. Apart from my own trials, I lost a good old comrade through suicide, three friends developed cancer, and a distant relation or two passed away. Well that's life.
God I hear you say not more moaning. No I am not moaning, just reflecting and getting a bit of perspective.
I am exhausted lately but for good reasons very good reasons, which if you can't guess I will tell you later.
When I left Ireland I had just written produced and directed my play. While it was no master piece it was what I wanted and intended it to be from the start, and while not pleasing all of the people all the time, I hit a good eighty percent of them. Suffice to say I was someone at the top of my game and in the last two years I have survived relegation by a couple of divisions. I know you have heard it all before and for the life of me I can't imagine why any one comes here and reads what I write but, well, I get stuff off my chest this way.
Like what?, I hear you say. Well the bastards who practically dismantled my scooter the other day should have their skin peeled and then be left in a salt pit in the mid-day sun, for one. I managed to put it back together but they stole my helmet. Luckily I had another but still had to take my son back to where he was going to with out a helmet on my head. At five years of age he was convinced my scooter was finished. I felt bad he had to witness the crappy side so young but maybe it's a good education for him.
I guess my scooter and I are closer than I think. I managed to put it back together and bar a broken lock and lost helmet, it runs as well or badly as ever depending on your view. Why am I and it alike? Well I feel like I have been dismantled too and I am in the process of putting myself back together.

I have had some interesting experiences with jobs lately, starting one and working my ass off all night only to be told the next night I wasn't good enough. Another someone who I actually don't know well at all, came running after me, but as I working this week I couldn't start. I didn't realise that had I showed up I could have started next Monday, (curse my communication skills). Then an interview a month ago, in a computer company that still hasn't finished it's first round of interviews so the must be interviewing a million people for one job.
Since my separation last July I have met a string of women, no, I haven't bedded or been bedded by them all. I have met two who were in the throws of a nervous breakdown and that took a bit of time to discover. The next was very conservative and had a very low opinion of herself and others, the one after distant, the one after that, I thought might have been the one and while I went out with her for a while, she turned out to be a selfish spoiled, abusive lazy individual, yet beautiful sexy and strong and lively. It got too tough to hang in there and wait for something that I wasn't sure would come. In short her problem was she didn't love herself and perhaps I was not loving myself either. Then there was one who just seemed to be very secretive or basically couldn't answer a straight question so no joy there. Then a girl who I saw looking at me, I found her very attractive, gentle, together, warm and although she stayed the night, nothing happened. I met her a few times but she seemed to be either uninterested or not realise that I wanted to be with her so I let it fall. I still don't know if she just wanted a friend or not.
Then I met another girl and well, hence the reason I am exhausted. Easy to be with, beautiful, working, and very calm. Not my normal type of personality at all, but she makes me feel good so I will enjoy and just see what pans out.
Work for September seems plentiful so I might be able to pay off some of my debts finally. It has been getting a bit embarrassing.
I need to write a lot more and I have decided instead of chasing down the menial work to get back to what I know, refresh my knowledge base and create a Flash CV and see can I not get back into IT that way. In the meantime although it will be tight financially I plan to work on my film for the summer and who knows come autumn I might have something to work with.
I have lots of projects in my head but none of them are being followed up, in part due to using my spare time either job hunting, preparing classes or chilling out with people.
So dinner now on Saturday night with friends in my girls pad. Interesting to say the least as I am cooking. I will definitely write again soon. So if you come back and read, thanks but honestly I still don't get why you are here in the first place. Or I for that matter.

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