Sunday, January 30, 2011

Back in the saddle again

I got out of bed feeling like I had been kick by the rear end of a horse. Yesterday the house was full of crazy 2 year olds celebrating my daughters birthday. This is how she reacted when Nail tried to get at one of her presents. I was fortunate photographically speaking to click at the right time . This is as close to a right hook as any two year old throws.

I am guessing I won't have to worry too much about her when she grows up.
Since my flu, my body has not been able to do what I wanted. I rode last Sunday for 50k. I was the first ride in a month and I felt as if I had gone back to square one.

Today was a huge battle to get out. Slightly hung over, extremely stressed out by too many people and too much of the above photo, they day previously had taken a lot out of all of us. I fought with boy by the end of the evening both of us going to bed, too tired, too hyper, too upset and neither of us able to make the other understand. So I felt shitty all day. I apologised at one point but he is really not comfortable with either the dispute nor the making up after ... My bad. There is no point in forcing the issue, but my heart is breaking that we have these difficulties with each other. I don't know how to handle an 11 year old boy who wants to be carried in Daddies arms at 11pm at night and he is jumping all over me and not taking no for an answer. He is too quick for me.

So the bad mood persisted all day. I organised dinner for this evening, I nice beef and red wine stew. It's cooking now. The smell is are my kids. They went out. I was beating myself up for being useless at being a dad, and useless at training. I was supposed to have gone for a ride, this morning but really didn't want to face the day. Finally when they were gone, I had some head space. I got my bike clothes on. That in itself can be an endurance task. Three or 4 layers on top, two or three on the bottom,  two on the hands, three on the feet, two on the head. One bottle of water with an electrolyte tab, two small lamps in case it's dark, a bar, the keys and I am off. Uphill for 10kms, I can see the snow line on the distant hills, the air is fresh, lighter. Winter air is different than summer air. Winter air is missing something, it's like going into a room where everyone stands around the walls ignoring you, summer air, they press around you and touch you. Winter air is empty......dead, summer air thick with life. It was hard. It was faster than it was the last time I had been on that short ride, a lot faster than a year ago when I first did it. It wasn't fun climbing, but it was a relief to get there. I didn't hang around, night was falling, I turned around and sped down hill.
I crossed another cyclist and we played all the way down, passing and re passing each other. It was easy to catch him up and over take and put some distance between us, but he cornered more confidently than I and each time I was happy to let him back and over take. It was fun. It was great, I smiled for the first time, the happiness building up the bad feelings left behind dead on the road in the cold winter air.

A lot of my energy is directed towards home. I wish I had the vote. I am hoping the Irish people will vote in a government that will actually stand up for the Irish people. But the more I see going on in the world the more I am convinced there is some club where the politicians are in and everyone else is out. We are the everybody else. 

Monday, January 17, 2011

2011 is the way forward.

I feel like using the line from the exorcist, or at least using it to suit my own needs. I'm baaaaahhhack.
Well if I am back or not remains to be seen. However 2011 has some interesting challenges. I have actually started to write my book 'In Praise of Women' a working title. It's my story of the women who have educated me through my life. I don't mean my school teachers, my sister or my mother and aunts, I mean the people that most men see as women before they see them in another role. The women in my life, were first and foremost women, then after there was roles, however the women in my family, had roles before I ever knew they were women in that role. I wonder did I think of men the same way? There are a few challenges, one of which is trying to track down this small band of blessed beings. Another challenge is trying to work out permissions in what story gets told. I can't really go off naming names and getting people into trouble with their current relationships now can I? The last sort of challenge is really for myself. To actually write the damn thing. Once it's done, I might look for a publisher, but I am not sure if there are any publishing houses that would be interested in the story of  copious amounts of blood when I lost my virginity , or how when I had my first blow job, I thought my brain was going to pop through my head, ( the one on my shoulders), but hey, as they say in the Costner baseball movie, If you build it they will come, mine is more likely to be If you write it they will come, all puns intended.

Sporting wise, apart from recovering from the Man flu, I am doing well. Could be better yes, but is a lot better than this time last year. So I missed my road race last week, but I have plans. A 10k, a semi marathon, a Half Iron man, and a Marathon, with a few tri races at least one Olympic distance, thrown in for fun. So that is what 2011 has in store. To round off 2010, I changed companies, but do the same job, I am more calm and content in myself. I know I am going forward, I found some spiritual contacts here and got interested in Sweat lodges which just stay with me for a long time...
I have plans...lets go make them happen.

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