Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Summer and sea change

Well summer is in full swing. The temperature is in the 30's centigrade and people are getting browner and wearing less. That is always a good thing in my opinion, being very appreciative of the human form, and in particular the female form, it brightens up my days. The English teaching has been okay for the month of June and the first week of July but there is little on the horizon. This last year has been strange. I haven't written for a while. Perhaps I have been navel gazing too much. It's the anniversary of my leaving Ireland and coming to France, now two years ago. While I set off with so much hope for a new future at the time I never imagined it would have passed as it has. Apart from my own trials, I lost a good old comrade through suicide, three friends developed cancer, and a distant relation or two passed away. Well that's life.
God I hear you say not more moaning. No I am not moaning, just reflecting and getting a bit of perspective.
I am exhausted lately but for good reasons very good reasons, which if you can't guess I will tell you later.
When I left Ireland I had just written produced and directed my play. While it was no master piece it was what I wanted and intended it to be from the start, and while not pleasing all of the people all the time, I hit a good eighty percent of them. Suffice to say I was someone at the top of my game and in the last two years I have survived relegation by a couple of divisions. I know you have heard it all before and for the life of me I can't imagine why any one comes here and reads what I write but, well, I get stuff off my chest this way.
Like what?, I hear you say. Well the bastards who practically dismantled my scooter the other day should have their skin peeled and then be left in a salt pit in the mid-day sun, for one. I managed to put it back together but they stole my helmet. Luckily I had another but still had to take my son back to where he was going to with out a helmet on my head. At five years of age he was convinced my scooter was finished. I felt bad he had to witness the crappy side so young but maybe it's a good education for him.
I guess my scooter and I are closer than I think. I managed to put it back together and bar a broken lock and lost helmet, it runs as well or badly as ever depending on your view. Why am I and it alike? Well I feel like I have been dismantled too and I am in the process of putting myself back together.

I have had some interesting experiences with jobs lately, starting one and working my ass off all night only to be told the next night I wasn't good enough. Another someone who I actually don't know well at all, came running after me, but as I working this week I couldn't start. I didn't realise that had I showed up I could have started next Monday, (curse my communication skills). Then an interview a month ago, in a computer company that still hasn't finished it's first round of interviews so the must be interviewing a million people for one job.
Since my separation last July I have met a string of women, no, I haven't bedded or been bedded by them all. I have met two who were in the throws of a nervous breakdown and that took a bit of time to discover. The next was very conservative and had a very low opinion of herself and others, the one after distant, the one after that, I thought might have been the one and while I went out with her for a while, she turned out to be a selfish spoiled, abusive lazy individual, yet beautiful sexy and strong and lively. It got too tough to hang in there and wait for something that I wasn't sure would come. In short her problem was she didn't love herself and perhaps I was not loving myself either. Then there was one who just seemed to be very secretive or basically couldn't answer a straight question so no joy there. Then a girl who I saw looking at me, I found her very attractive, gentle, together, warm and although she stayed the night, nothing happened. I met her a few times but she seemed to be either uninterested or not realise that I wanted to be with her so I let it fall. I still don't know if she just wanted a friend or not.
Then I met another girl and well, hence the reason I am exhausted. Easy to be with, beautiful, working, and very calm. Not my normal type of personality at all, but she makes me feel good so I will enjoy and just see what pans out.
Work for September seems plentiful so I might be able to pay off some of my debts finally. It has been getting a bit embarrassing.
I need to write a lot more and I have decided instead of chasing down the menial work to get back to what I know, refresh my knowledge base and create a Flash CV and see can I not get back into IT that way. In the meantime although it will be tight financially I plan to work on my film for the summer and who knows come autumn I might have something to work with.
I have lots of projects in my head but none of them are being followed up, in part due to using my spare time either job hunting, preparing classes or chilling out with people.
So dinner now on Saturday night with friends in my girls pad. Interesting to say the least as I am cooking. I will definitely write again soon. So if you come back and read, thanks but honestly I still don't get why you are here in the first place. Or I for that matter.

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