Funny how the break up of a relationship can take it out of you. I slowly realise that it has taken me a full 6 months to get to grips with what was happening. Now that the earnings are down, and the panic set in I had two choices. Panic and make a bad decision or do nothing. Or cop on give myself yet another kick up the backside and do something to make it better. Obviously I choose the second. The one thing i am not used to here and it's cultural, is how people seem so isolated or independant. I am not sure if it is a positive or negative yet.
Let me give you an example. I met a very pretty student of mine the other day in Monaco. She was ashen faced, dazed and shocked. She had slipped on a very steep street up around Beausoliel. She had a gash on her knee and her stockings were ripped. The point is that where as most guys I know and for that matter most women too, would have run to help her, fussed over her, and made sure she was ok,..well.......that didn't happen. No one stopped, no one looked, no one asked anything. It's very south of France. No one wants to know.
I am wondering if there isn't some psychological throwback to the war in 1940's that has been handed down. A type of "Don't get involved " mentality. Perhaps the French mind thinks it can only work out bad in the end. Perhaps the fact she looked Arab may also have something to do with it. It is hard for Arabs here. Even those who are well educated, attractive, and well off, experience a certain glass barrier. Others have told me they fear for future careers as their surname is Arab or their photo (a pre-requisite on a french CV) will work against them.
So I sit back and take stock. I am becoming aware for the first time in my life what it means to be white. I take stock of what I have and what I haven't. What my strengths and weaknesses are and what my choices are. Unfortunately the time for fighting was long ago but better late than never I guess. So let me say this, if you are down, or in a rut, or broken hearted, don't wallow. That's been my mistake. Grab yourself give yourself a good shake and think of the positives. Yeah its hard. But there is no one else can do it for you.
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