Nothing wrong my foot!

So one of my hips is higher the other, or one of my legs is shorter than other. I had an accident when I sixteen. It wasn't looked after. When I got to France 5 years ago, I met a doctor who told me after a lot of examination that the intense pain in my knees was in my head. I felt really bad. Everyone here believed him. I was still getting white light flashes of pain occasionally months afterward but had to bite my lip when it happened. It's probably part of the reason my ex in laws think I am a dickhead, but hey that's an aside.

When I started to run and swim 2 years ago, and had given up smoking, a lot of the pain, not all, but a lot of it went away. Last year I was taken to hospital just as the Gypsy Kings came out on Stage. My back had completely locked. I was a week off work and doped up to my eye balls in muscle relaxation pills and pain killers.
After my semi marathon this year. I pulled a muscle in my back. It wouldn't go away. My back started to cramp up a lot as I was compensating all the time.
Finally my running pal to me to go visit her at work. They X Rayed me but didn't see too much. I went to see yet another doc. Probably the 5th different one at this stage.
He took about 2 seconds or less to look at the X Ray. He was Ohh la la ing before he even turned on the light to look at it.
When I sixteen I ripped all the tendons in my foot. I had seen a ball coming towards on the ground and while running full speed I turned to kick it away. I ended up on my back. I looked down at my foot and there was a metal shot put between my feet. Not something you kick away easily.
I continued to play football, with a lot of difficulty. Went to the doctor the next day who told me to put a strapping on it and that was that.
I have been compensating since then. My left foot is slightly atrophied, if that is the right word. I can't bend it as much as the other one. Each time I run I have to make it 'crack' before I know I can run without it cramping up.
All the swimming I had been doing until the end of Febuary has helped keep the problem at bay. Now I need to get a orthapaedic sole into my shoe. I need phyisotherapy and I am taking 9 things morning and evening to let it all relax. I start the physio next week.
No running this week. I swam 500m yesterday and I was completely knackered. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly I loose my ability when I stop. Now I am anxious about the running too. I am doing a Marathon in Novemember and hopefully and Iron Man in 2010. Just one time.
My sleep is still disturbed by thoughts of my first lawyer here, who really screwed things up. I am anxious about my son and not being there enough for him. I hope to God it turns out okay for him.

In the meantime I was on the bike recently when we had a lovely morning. these photos are were I ride. It takes me one and half hours to get there and 20 mins to get back. OOOOh and Monica my future coach did her Iron man in 13 hours and a bit. I am very thrilled for her.

Just things

We spent the weekend hanging out. Cooking Goat slowly in the oven. Going to St Paul de Vence looking at the expensive boutiques. The weather is terrible. It's the last titanic struggle before summer sets in next month. The Cannes Film Festival and the Monaco Grand Prix have come and gone.

Now the Cote D'Azur will be full of pleasure seekers, rich bastards, drunken wallys, sunseekers, tourists, friends, visitors, morons, and some people shouting english really slowly and really loudly to perfectly tri-lingual French waiters who are proud of their linguistic ability and scorn those who can't put two words together in foreign glot.

Boy was emotional and tired this weekend. My brother split from his wife and his teenage kids have been doing the teenage thing. My Neice shaved her head. I told him maybe she was happy about it, maybe she was upset that her mam and dad are not together any more. He asked me about his mother and I. I told him we had different ideas on how we should be together. His mother didn't want to help or support me and I wasn't able to be what she wanted. So it didn't work out and she asked me to go. He thought about that. As I reflect now, maybe it was more than a little undiplomatic but I am done protecting someone who doesn't give a shit about me. I know I should protect my boy, but then telling him truth is someway of protecting him.

People to me are strange about relationships. Lovers friend is here and is so clearly hurt it's painful to watch. She has been so let down. Why do we seek perfection in others when we know damn well it doesn't exist in ourselves? What is that fairy tale crap we believe? Instead of pointing the finger of blame at him all the time, do you for a moment realise how hurtful, or how unsupporting your are? Why is it always the bloke who has fucked up?

I am having a difficult time with my back, still haven't managed a visit with a doctor yet, I am hoping on Wednesday.

So boy was tired at the table. There was something wrong. He was a little sad after talking to his cousin on MSN. He started to get upset, not able to communicate what was wrong and saying 'nothing' and getting more and more frustrated the more insistent I got. I don't let him sulk ever. I insist now more than ever on communication that is clear and coherent. I know I know. He is only 8. Well it's the perfect time to learn to identify stuff and put words on it.
I offered a sit in my lap and a hug. He came and climbed aboard. Father and son gave each other a full body Hug and damn the trapped nerve. Our visitor got upset and started to cry. It'a a long time since her father hugged her. I felt like asking when was the last time she gave him one.

I have to write important letters and I am not doing it. I have enrolled for the marathon in November but I am in a lot of pain and chewing pills. I normally take nothing ever.
My friend Monika was running the Iron Man Brasil on Sunday. I hope she was okay. I hope she finished and has achieved her goal and now she can get the tattoo. Me Next!

United win the Champions league.

I have grown up with stories of the the MUNICH air disaster. I heard how Bobby Charlton walked away without a scratch. How Whealan an Irish player was killed. There has through my life time been a Irish thread at Man Utd. Stapleton, Moran, Irwin, Keane, O Shea, among others. It was lovely to see an Old Bobby Charlton walk up the steps tonight. Leading his team 50 years on from the disaster. It's nice to be a fan most times, but especially when your team win. Even if the Irish guy didn't get a game and the ghosts of the past were standing beside the goal keeper. They won on Penalties, but it was a fun match.

Lucky? See it From the Other Side!

Is it our greatest self deception to believe others are more lucky?. 'The grass is always greener on the other side'. How much do you know really of the lives of those whom you perceive luckier than you? For my part there are those who look at me with envy, I have a child, I live on the Cote D'Azur, I work in Monaco, I am not far from the Cannes film festival. Wow people think. How lucky can you get?
They don't take into account, the shitty divorce, the loss of direction in my life, the loss of my circle of comfort and culture. The struggles I had in trying to settle in. The fear and rage and hurt and pain have only recently abated. They know nothing of this.

However what is most important is what side of that complete story I decide to focus on. I am lucky, I am alive. I have good things I have bad things. I am lucky because I choose to be and instead of scraping the shit of my shoe I decide to use it on the roses to help them grow. I often seem to find people whose wounds I can sense. I am drawn to look after them, to mother them. Often they take what they can and walk away. I can be hurt by this as I try to invest not just for their good, but for my security too. I like to have friends and the best way to have friends is to be one.

I would like to live in a 'perfect' world so I reach out and try and be with others the sort of benefactor I would like them to be with me. Many don't understand but I still feel lucky. Because in all of it I have a handful of people around the world I really appreciate. They teach me a lot about myself.

I could decide that the 40 people who were in my house last St Patricks day, who ate my food and partook of my hospitality and then practically disappeared from my life, are friends. I could decide they are all bastards as they came and went and that was the last I heard of them. I could decide that is just the way it is here. I can't justify saying I am unlucky. I make my own luck by the effort I put in. Yes some of us have some more advantages than others. Some of us are better looking, a concept formed by the mass Hysteria of being the same and different and conformism. Some of us have more money than others, a combination of hard work for some, thievery for others, circumstances, but are they more lucky than I?

Was Elvis Lucky? World famous star, dies on his toilet overweight? Britney? Marilyn Monroe? Micheal Hutchinson? Was Florence Griffith Joiner lucky? What is it we deem as lucky?

A friend is running the Iron man in Brazil soon. Lucky woman! Nope, not lucky. She has worked her ass of for the right, the priveledge, the honour, and by calling her lucky I demean her effort. On the other hand I can say she is lucky because she has the drive to do this thing, to stick at it, to persevere. It doesn't sound like luck that.

I guess we are all lucky and we are all unlucky.Today if you don't feel lucky. Look at what you have going for you. Tell me how unlucky you are. Maybe you are not trapped under a fallen building in China, maybe you are not at the brunt of a rocket attack or air strike in Israel or Gaza, maybe you are not watching a military convoy make their way through your town, maybe you are not a hostage, maybe you are not crippled or blind. Maybe you are more lucky than you think. Leave me a comment and tell me one thing you think is lucky in your life, and for the balance, tell me one way you think or feel you are not unlucky. I guess I will be lucky to get a response. (smiling)

Holidays Over

I am shattered. I have just spent a great week with really good friends. Eating and drinking to beat the band.
We went to the market in Vengtimiliga in Italy.




We went to the Historic Grand Prix in Monaco which was the culmnination of a dream for my buddy who was celebrating his 60 birthday.





I haven't been blogging. I have a trapped nerve in my lower back which means I am not running swimming or cycling and it means I am starting to put on weight.

My nurse comes tonight for my alergy shot so, hopefully she has a good referal for me to see someone.


In the mean time enjoy the picture essay :-) We strolled the pits afterwards and my 8 year old boy had the priveledge of sitting into a formula 1 Ferrari and playing with the Steering Wheel. Not many people have that priveledge in life. He woke up the next day telling us he had dreams of being a driver :-).

But I am not biased. There are other things in the world more important than a ferrari




Like a Bugatti?





Never a Dull Moment!

All the Fun of the Fair.

May 1st is a holiday here. No one works except the people at the wine fair. Don't start cracking jokes about the French please, I have to live here. They work very hard.



You see there is a lot to do at this time of year on the Cote D'azur. The film festival will be starting soon. There is a Grand Prix comming up.
You can out to a nice restaurant in Monaco and eat Duck



You can go to the wine expo thing,where people go crazy. You get a glass and basically walk around all the producers in France finding out what you want and what you dont want. There are also people who make

Salt



Spices


Cheese



Charcuterie


oh and for the ladies...........chocolate



and tea.


and other goodies..




The reason some of the photos are a little blurry is I am still getting used to the phone, but also because I tasted a good part of the following...





Yes it does look this blurred in real life, there was no way I could focus better than that. We had already tasted 21 wines and I don't spit.


Oh well the cellar is now stocked for the visitors who may make their way over this summer :-)

Still not training, hoping to go bike and run this weekend.