Monday, May 26, 2008

Just things

We spent the weekend hanging out. Cooking Goat slowly in the oven. Going to St Paul de Vence looking at the expensive boutiques. The weather is terrible. It's the last titanic struggle before summer sets in next month. The Cannes Film Festival and the Monaco Grand Prix have come and gone.

Now the Cote D'Azur will be full of pleasure seekers, rich bastards, drunken wallys, sunseekers, tourists, friends, visitors, morons, and some people shouting english really slowly and really loudly to perfectly tri-lingual French waiters who are proud of their linguistic ability and scorn those who can't put two words together in foreign glot.

Boy was emotional and tired this weekend. My brother split from his wife and his teenage kids have been doing the teenage thing. My Neice shaved her head. I told him maybe she was happy about it, maybe she was upset that her mam and dad are not together any more. He asked me about his mother and I. I told him we had different ideas on how we should be together. His mother didn't want to help or support me and I wasn't able to be what she wanted. So it didn't work out and she asked me to go. He thought about that. As I reflect now, maybe it was more than a little undiplomatic but I am done protecting someone who doesn't give a shit about me. I know I should protect my boy, but then telling him truth is someway of protecting him.

People to me are strange about relationships. Lovers friend is here and is so clearly hurt it's painful to watch. She has been so let down. Why do we seek perfection in others when we know damn well it doesn't exist in ourselves? What is that fairy tale crap we believe? Instead of pointing the finger of blame at him all the time, do you for a moment realise how hurtful, or how unsupporting your are? Why is it always the bloke who has fucked up?

I am having a difficult time with my back, still haven't managed a visit with a doctor yet, I am hoping on Wednesday.

So boy was tired at the table. There was something wrong. He was a little sad after talking to his cousin on MSN. He started to get upset, not able to communicate what was wrong and saying 'nothing' and getting more and more frustrated the more insistent I got. I don't let him sulk ever. I insist now more than ever on communication that is clear and coherent. I know I know. He is only 8. Well it's the perfect time to learn to identify stuff and put words on it.
I offered a sit in my lap and a hug. He came and climbed aboard. Father and son gave each other a full body Hug and damn the trapped nerve. Our visitor got upset and started to cry. It'a a long time since her father hugged her. I felt like asking when was the last time she gave him one.

I have to write important letters and I am not doing it. I have enrolled for the marathon in November but I am in a lot of pain and chewing pills. I normally take nothing ever.
My friend Monika was running the Iron Man Brasil on Sunday. I hope she was okay. I hope she finished and has achieved her goal and now she can get the tattoo. Me Next!


Anonymous said...

Wow - a marathon?!?! Good luck and fair play to you!

I was supposed to be joining the Women's mini marathon on the June bank holiday weekend but I'm ashamed to say I was pretty relieved when I found out I was too late to enter!

Warrior said...

well I won't be doing anything if I can't get myself fixed :-(

Tea said...

WELL!I had been unable to see your blogs until now!

Monica did FANTASTIC as I'm sure you know.

Believe you can do the marathon and you will. I think that is fantastic!

Warrior said...

Hey Tea, thanks for dropping in Nice to see you here. :-) The Marathon is just a small step to the Iron Man. ..... :-) and yes Monkia is bloody brilliant

Miss AJ said...

It's been a while since a son sat on my lap but we get to lay our heads together regularly and swap loving vibes. It is hard finding the correct way to communicate with them, the balance between being too intense or not insistent enough. You sound like a good thinking caring dad.

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