Sunday, August 16, 2009

An Epiphany?

Today I got on the bike too late in the day but not too late as to suffer too much. I was late out of bed, I ate breakfeast.

Lover wanted a pic nic but I had shared on Friday I wasn't interested. I had a long cycle planned for Sunday and I am sticking to it.

Up I went and realised as soon as I was saddled my front tire was devoid of air. I felt like a plonker, right in front of the appartment pumping air into my tire. Maybe it was a sign to stay home....

I cycled up hill, and as I went I noticed those purple trumpets, creeping over the fence almost herarlding my every effort.

I saw an old(er) man walking his bike uphill, he gave me his hat and it made my day.*
I went further up and further, and then down a step decline to go back up again. Superman on the worlds fastest road bicycle passed me and left me for dead.
I could swear he was doing at least 45-50 kph uphill, I was struggling with my steady 9.

Every kilometer that passed more trumpets sang to me, and white and yellow bursts of applause reached out to touch me as I went past.
It was a good cycle. I went farther than I have ever been up and up.

At some point looking out over the hills at Aspremont just before turning for Tourettes Levens, a phrase popped into my head. I belong here.

It has taken 6 years but I belong here. That phrase came back again and again. I thought how lucky I was to live in place, the hills, the scorching sun, the sea. This place where I have children and a lover. I thought of my neighbour who is an avid cyclist who might yet turn into more than a passing acquaintance. I thought of discussing with him how lucky I was to be here.

My spirt spoke and said no it's not luck. It's choice. I made my choices and now I should give myself my own hat.*...

I belong here. My sweat has seeped into the ground as have my tears. I belong here.
Later I noticed the trumpets had wilted in the midday heat, I too was wilted, at the end of my force, I tried my mantra I didn't believe it, I was too tired.

However, on this strange day of days, it's true to say, I belong here.

*[in french when you are congragulated, they tell you chapeau, or hat. It's like doffing the hat to you]


Garen (gfd) said...

Knowing that you belong and are seeing improvements in your fitness are powerful things. I used to say to my runners during extremely difficult workouts, "Enjoy YOUR pain! You have earned it. One day you will understand what I mean". Many of them eventually got it. Your experience on this ride made me think of that. Keep making yourself proud.


Warrior said...

Yes Garen, something somewhere has switched, dropped, been turned on. I am beginning to be proud of myself instead of down on myself. It's about time. Thank you for your visit.

Warrior said...

Thanks for the comment

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