Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Communication

Sometimes when he is tired my little boy gets into a strop. I try not to let him as I don't think sulking and moaning is a good strategy. I speak kindly but firmly, keep saying look at me and when he does, he knows I am real with him.
My ex has stopped answering the phone. I sent her a text message thursday the 13th saying we should talk, I explained I understood why she wasn't responding but it was okay. I am here any time to talk. She replied the following morning saying yes sometime this weekend would be good, she would let me know when. I waited all weekend on Sunday I sent another message, I said look it's fine maybe next weekend would be better? I got a reply that she didn't want to meet I had always lied to her in the past... I was stunned. I will save you the ins and outs suffice to say when I tried to tell her our son is showing signs of insecurity and apparently needs his father more, she told me I was full of bullshit. He doesn't let go when I put him to bed. He follows me to the toilet. He squeezes in between us to watch a movie. I love all that but I know it comes from him not being confident I am going to be there all the time. How do you explain to a child without traumatising him that this is life? It is not my choice that he doesn't have both parents living together, but I am so happy he at least is seeing his father happy and no longer abused. Will he come to my side when he is older and tell me all is okay, or will he rebuke me , will they fill him full of lies and half truths and non truths and anger and will he believe them all? All I can think of is saying to him is, look at me, look me in the eye my son and know our truth....I hope he does.

4 comments:

Suzie said...

Here is my only suggestion...and it comes not from experience of being a parent (I'm not one) but it comes from my experiences of being the "neglected child". I think the best way to raise children these days, especially due to the emotional dramas and traumas we put them though is this.......THE TRUTH :)

Children are smarter than we give them credit for...they WILL understand things displayed to them LOGICALLY. No one can deny logic. At least I don't believe it is easy to.

It's my first time on your blog so I don't have all the details of the divorce but I think you'd be pretty surprised at the amount your boy grasps on the situation by just feeling the energy around him.

I say you talk to him like a person, not a child and give him a chance to communicate his own feelings and thoughts on the situation. Sometimes they can make more sense of adult-talk than we do ;)

GOOD LUCK!

Warrior said...

Hey Suzie, welcome and many thanks for your feedback. You will be happy to know I do sit and talk frankly and openly with him and I take him at his word when he says what he wants. We have a strong bond. He knows I won't let him down. He reminds me often I am not allowed 'drop' him because when he could first grasp the concept and was afraid in arms ...I told him not to worry, I would never drop him. He has never forgotten. It's difficult however when I feel like telling him what I think of his mother........but neither of us would benefit from that, and I have to shut up and change subject. He is a good boy.

K8 the Gr8 said...

I think hugs are the best weapon to defeat insecurity. One hug says more than 'I love you', 'It's ok', and 'Thank you' all rolled into one. Bear hugs should be on the food-pyramid, if you ask me.

Warrior said...

Hi K8 how you doing? Thanks for stopping by. I agree on the hugs, any form of above board body contact is a great way of communication and I am all for it. We spend a lot of our time hugging and tugging and pulling and climbing over each other. It's a great way of saying I love you without getting embarressed. As for hugging the ex.......erm well that probably would be like hugging a bear.........best not done at the moment.

Follow by Email